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Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

WOHOHOO HERE IT IS! http://lilsparrowshut.blogspot.fi/2015/10/a-peak-on-arianas-story.html

I wanted to create a new topic for Ariana's story because - I don't really know. People will find it easier if they're interested? Just wanted to thank you wonderful people here, especially sylentwhysper and SimsBerrry! Ariana's story will be out as a whole in November, I guess. Still hours of uploading and editing left. I'm so excited about how this will turn out!

If you have any ideas or thoughts or feedback or something in your mind concerning my story, please tell me! I want to improve as a machinima maker. I will update my blog

> http://lilsparrowshut.blogspot.fi/

quite frequently about how the project is going, so if you're interested, feel free to investigate! 8)

I would have uploaded the photos here if my computer didn't hate me. For some reason it doesn't support this site's way of uploading photos to a post.

Thank you for reading, bros!

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xxx Lil Sparrow

October 3, 2015 at 2:22 PM Flag Quote & Reply

sylentwhysper
Moderator
Posts: 1183

Looking forward to the finished film. 

Yeah, for photos, you have to upload to a hosting site first and then link the url with the 'Insert Image' option.  You may also start a photo album in our gallery and link the url from there.  Hope that helps.  If you need more help let me know.

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October 3, 2015 at 2:38 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

Thank you! I'll definitely try that out!

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xxx Lil Sparrow

October 3, 2015 at 2:45 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

Second part editing: FINISHED! Woooo I'm already halfway through this story! YEAH!

I desperately need help. My problem has to do with the storyline. Again, I have no idea how I will continue the story. I have some events sketched out but their order is not... logical. If you have any ideas, please tell me. Any kind of little thoughts will push me a step closer to the final battle!

A summary of what I have already fully filmed and edited:

The first part tells what things Ariana likes, what her daily life is like before her father William marries the evil woman, Citronelle. Citronelle and her daughter Margit pick on poor Ariana. The king is so enchanted by Citronelle's beauty and false kindness that he doesn't notice his own daughter suffering.

As Ariana grows up to a pretty teen girl, Margit envies her beauty. She goes to her mother who already has a plan - she must kill Ariana in order to get the throne. Citronelle tells a guard to take Ariana to a distant place and kill her. The guard obeys the Queen's will and takes Ariana to a meadow outside the city walls "to play". He attempts to kill Ariana but fails, he is a good person by heart and cannot let the poor girl die. The guard tells Ariana to flee. Ariana runs away till she collapses on the road. The first part ends here.

What was not in the plan but appeared before me: The guard seems to have a slight crush on Ariana.

The second part tells about Ariana's life as a peasant (she's now 15 years old). Ariana wakes up in an unknown place. It seems three old ladies have found her and taken her to their cottage. The three ladies let Ariana stay with them, and as a favor to them they ask Ariana to take care of maintaining the house and the garden while they're selling apples in the nearby town. Ariana grows to like her new life but misses her father. She prays that she will get to meet him again.

Ariana grows up to a beautiful young lady (she's now 18 years old). She spends her days maintaining the house and imagining things. One day she goes for a walk to the lakeside and meets a young man who presents himself as Eugene, the crown prince of Damaris, the neighboring kingdom. Ariana and Eugene spend time togehter; Ariana starts to fall for the prince. Another day the prince suddenly comes to Ariana's place. Ariana thinks: "My prince, I think I'm falling for you!"

Eugene and Ariana hold hands, Eugene flirts with her. As the three old ladies come back home, Eugene presents himself to them. Soon after he has to leave; Ariana looks so-in-love, but doesn't notice Eugene looking a bit sad.
The next scene is located in the royal castle's courtyard. Eugene goes in to the castle. WOOO CLIFFHANGER.

-

So this is it? I think in the next part it is shown that Eugene is already engaged to Margit, and that Citronelle prepares Margit for becoming the queen. Margit and Eugene suspect something is dead wrong with how the Queen is acting. I was actually thinking that maybe Eugene has told Citronelle about Ariana living with the three ladies? Maybe Eugene is a tool of Citronelle's, just like Margit? That would mean Eugene flirted with Ariana because Citronelle told him to gain Ariana's trust. Maybe Eugene was looking sad in the end of the second part because he noticed Ariana had fallen in love with him and he didn't love her, but Margit?

What is clear is, that in the next part the king is murdered. As the king dies suddenly, Margit suspects her mother is the culprit. She starts to avoid Citronelle and tells Eugene to do so too. The honest Eugene goes to Ariana's place and confesses that he loves someone else - and maybe tells about the king's death. Ariana is hurt deep. She claims she hates Eugene - and falls apart because of the two crushing pieces of bad news.

The three old ladies take the depressed Ariana with them to the townsquare. There Ariana encounters Jacob the Guard. Jacob is suprised but happy to see Ariana in full health. He asks where Ariana is living now; Ariana tells that she lives with the three old women. I think at this point it must be made clear to the audience that Jacob has fallen for Ariana. Jacob doesn't show his feelings, however; maybe he knows about Eugene and Ariana? Later on Jacob visits Ariana's place and spends some time with her.

TA-DAH, that's almost it for the third part. In the end of the third part it is made clear that Citronelle wants to kill Ariana, and turns into an old hag an poisons her. I think the third part will end here.

The end I won't plan out yet, but I know that Jacob goes to find the missing ingredient for the healing potion for the unconscious and slowly dying Ariana. And Margit is almost crowned as the Queen, but then Jacob has succeeded in returning Ariana and they imprison Citronelle. Margit and Eugene become the King and the Queen, Ariana retires to the countryside, and in the very end Jacob confesses to Ariana.

That's it about the plot. Now some questions:
´
What do you think of what I have planned for the third part, overall?
Could Eugene really be flirting with Ariana because Citronelle has told him to do so?
What else would happen between Eugene's return to the castle and the king's death?

This looks like a stupid test for elementary school people, I'm sorry for that. Thank you so much for reading this loooong thing, and if you have anything on your mind concerning this loooooong thing, please tell me! Thank you!

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xxx Lil Sparrow

October 4, 2015 at 1:45 PM Flag Quote & Reply

sylentwhysper
Moderator
Posts: 1183

First question, there seems to be a plot hole.  Does Eugene know who Ariana really is?  How does he know that the peasant girl he meets is the stepdaughter of Citronelle and the stepsister of Margit?  I'm sure Ariana has changed enough that even people who knew her when she is a young princess won't know her when she is grown up and just a common girl.  Does Ariana tell Eugene that she used to be the princess?  That actually wouldn't make much sense since she is trying to live in peace and protect herself from her stepmother, I don't think she would reveal this secret.


But if he knew all along because Citronelle is the one who told Eugene to flirt with Ariana, then Citronelle would have to know Ariana is alive.  How exactly does Citronelle figure out that Ariana is still living?  And when she does, what consequences will there be for Jacob who was supposed to have killed her?  I don't think Citronelle would just let him go.    Also, why would Eugene agree to Citronelle's plan of flirting with Ariana, he is a prince in his own right, I don't think he would bend so easily to her.  I really like it more that he is just an honest but maybe naive prince. And maybe he really doesn't know who she is when they first meet.   I think he fell for Ariana a little bit too that is why he was flirting with her, because she is good natured.  But when he left her, he was sad because he knew he was engaged to another but he didn't have the heart to tell her at that time. But later, when he comes back to tell her the truth and inadvertently tells her that the king is dead, maybe in grief, she finally reveals that she is the daugter of the dead king. 


Okay, so to cheer Ariana up, the three ladies take her into town where Jacob meets her.  I don't think at this point, anyone knows that Ariana and Eugene had met.  It doesn't make sense that anyone would know since the two of them met in the woods and Eugene wouldn't tell anyone he liked a peasant girl, plus I'm still going with the plotline that he didn't really know Ariana was the true princess until the recent news of the dead king.  Anyhow, back to Jacob.  So he realizes that it is Ariana and he knows that she is sad about the king's death.  He makes an effort to cheer her up, gives her flowers, tells her jokes, takes her sightseeing, anything really and this begins their romance.  He starts to fall for her hard but since she is still in grief, he wants to give her time.  Also he knows that she is the true princess and he feels he will never be good enough for her, so he doesn't confess his feelings at this point.


I think at this point is where Citronelle should find out about Ariana being alive.  Somehow, a friend of Citronelle's or maybe an old servant recognizes Ariana at the town square and tells Citronelle.  At first Cintronelle doesn't quite believe it, because she had thought all these years that Ariana was dead.  She summons Jacob to find the truth, of course Jacob lies.  Then Jacob is thrown in the dungeon.  In the meantime, Citronelle searches and finds Ariana.  And that's the cliffhanger for that part...


For the next part, Citronelle posisons Ariana.  But I don't really think you should go with the poisoned apple.  It's just too cliche.  Citronelle disguises herself as a hag and approaches Ariana in the woods at the cottage.  Maybe she is pretends she needs rest from a long travel and Ariana helps her, gives her water and talks nicely with her.  Citronelle gifts Ariana with a special (poisonous) flower to thank her.  Ariana smells the flower and poof, she faints into a deep coma.  (now this is just a suggestion, please don't go with my idea if you don't like it). Citronelle leaves the dying Ariana alone in the woods, certain that the princess won't survive.


Back at the castle, Jacob is still in the dungeons and learns of Citronelle's poisoning the princess.  I think Jacob escapes the dungeoun, maybe with the help of Eugene because he feels bad for Ariana, and Jacob goes to Ariana's cottage.  He finds her dying and the three ladies are frantic.  One of the ladies is a healer but she needs a secret ingredient which is too dangerous for her to go get herself so Jacob volunteers to go find it. 


Of course, Ariana is saved and then they go back to the castle to confront the Queen.  And I think you have the rest of the story.  :D


Okay, this is just my personal input.  You have a good storyline, just need to fill in some holes.  But you're doing very awesome so far.  :D

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October 4, 2015 at 3:14 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

Such dedication, wow! :-O Thank you for your thoughts!!!

Ah, the third part. I think Ariana does not tell Eugene who she really is. You're right, it wouldn't make sense if she told a random guy she had just met that hey, I'm the princess who's supposed to be long dead! Ariana has changed during the three years she has lived with the old women. She has become more determined, confident and has more freedom than she used to have as a princess. Also she has those muscles after working hard many years in the tiny farm. You will see :-D So, Eugene doesn't know who Ariana is, but as he is a bit flirtatious and naive, he might fall for Ariana a bit. As he leaves in the end of the second part, looking sad, your input sounds convincing. I also prefer the honest but naive version of Eugene. I'll go with that.

In the beginning of the third part Citronelle doesn't know about Ariana being still alive. I forgot to mention that she is a witch, and when Margit came to her in the first part, envious of Ariana's beauty, Citronelle actually asked from her magic mirror who is fairest of them all in this kingdom. As the mirror told that the fairest one is Ariana, Citronelle got a good excuse for killing Ariana. She also has her own reasons, but this was a good start for her plan to get the throne.

Anyway, the king is murdered soon after. Eugene and Margit start to avoid Citronelle. The three ladies take Ariana to the town, there she bumps into Jacob, and yeah, they will definitely spend some time together. Yes, anybody wouldn't know of Eugene and Ariana, if they did that would not make sense. Jacob might really feel that he is not good enough for a princess. That might be why he keeps quiet about his feelings towards Ariana. I don't think Ariana would be ready for a new romance at this point, she has just been turned down by Eugene. Maybe she has some feelings towards Jacob but she thinks she will never be able to fall in love again or something? But this might be the start of their romance - the feelings are hidden but already there, a small seed of love in their hearts?

Ah, Citronelle has her magic mirror and asks who is fairest of them all, then the mirror says it is Ariana - would that work out? She is ultimately a witch and can do those little tricks. She also has a crystal ball where she can foresee things - or not? Would that be too much of a cliché? Somehow she gets to know that Ariana's alive. The consequences for poor Jacob - I think because Citronelle is cruel and bloodthirsty, putting Jacob in the dungeon wouldn't be enough. I think she plans to hang Jacob. The cliffhanger will be Citronelle finding Ariana and Jacob about to be hanged. Sounds like it, does it not?

And the fourth part, I was thinking something along those lines - Citronelle visiting Ariana as an old hag and having supper with her. I think the flower sounds pretty good but I have another idea that crossed my mind late yesterday night. As a gift and thanks to Ariana, Citronelle gives her a magic potion that will grant one wish. Enjoyed, Ariana drinks the potion and wishes that she could see her father soon. As her father is dead, and as Citronelle knew what Ariana would wish for, Ariana falls in a deep coma and her body starts to die slowly - to be able to see her father again Ariana will have to die. At this point someone in the castle helps Jacob to flee - Margit, I guess, because she wants to make up for her bad deeds.

Yeah, Margit tells Jacob what Citronelle has done to Ariana, and the enraged Jacob goes to the old ladies' cottage. He volunteers to go to find the last ingredient for the healing potion. He encounters many dangers, I think maybe when Citronelle learns Jacob has fleed she knows what Jacob is aiming and goes to stop him. Somehow Citronelle is defeated - maybe Eugene and Margit will play an important role in this. Or no, we still need Citronelle for the coronation bit, so maybe the dangers will be just some angry poltergeists and stuff. Maybe this part will end when the day of Margit's coronation dawns. It is shown how Margit prepares for the coronation ceremony and Jacob finds the missing ingredient and rushes to the old ladies' cottage.

The final battle, the fifth part! Wow. I'm having a blast of inspiration or something! Here, in the beginning, Margit and everyone from the castle are in the cathedral for the soon starting coronation ceremony. Jacob makes Ariana drink the potion, Ariana is woken up, very weak but alive. Just as Margit is about to be crowned, Jacob and Ariana rush into the church and stop the ceremony. During the battle Citronelle tries to flee but is imprisoned by a guard (that happens to be Jacob's twin brother John? Not really :-P). Ariana gives a short speech in which she tells she won't take the throne and that Margit is to be crowned instead. So, Margit is crowned and she and Eugene become the King and the Queen and Jacob and Ariana become a couple - happy end, yay! ^-^


I checked what Jacob will look like without his shaggy beard thing - he looks quite cute ;-) I was also thinking of changing his name... but no, I've already gotten accustomed to him being Jacob, so Jacob he will be. The names don't play an important role in this series... Yeah, series. This was supposed to be a movie but somehow the project extended itself. Let his be called an extended movie!

Yeah. Does this sound like it?

--

xxx Lil Sparrow

October 5, 2015 at 8:43 AM Flag Quote & Reply

sylentwhysper
Moderator
Posts: 1183

Sounds good.  Looks like you are working out the kinks and refining the story a little bit.  The only problem I think I see is that Citronelle has the magic mirror which I'm pretty sure she would have used to ask who is fairest right after she thought Ariana was killed by Jacob.  The mirror would have revealed Ariana was still alive.  So it doesn't make sense that Citronelle left Ariana alone for three years living in the woods when she knew right away that Ariana had escaped.

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October 5, 2015 at 1:05 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55
Yeah... In the first part Citronelle looks in the mirror and asks who is the fairest of them all... Ahh there will be some contradiction about this because the storyline has changed a lot during my editing sessions... I really have no idea what to do about magic mirror thing. I think your idea sounded convincing, a friend of Citronelle's telling her they saw Ariana in the town. Also what has changed, is the pace and style of filming of the story. Yeah. (I noticed I keep saying yeah, sorry about that.) Posting with a laggy smartphone is no fun. Seriously the autocorrect thing always gets me wrong and then I have to go and fix all the mistakes it has done... Back to the business, what to do? I don't want to lose my faith in this story. I will finish it no matter what! I guess... :'(
--

xxx Lil Sparrow

October 6, 2015 at 4:31 PM Flag Quote & Reply

sylentwhysper
Moderator
Posts: 1183

Don't lose faith in the story, it's just getting good.  This is the process a story should go through to get fully fleshed out.  And it's a good thing the plot is growing and changing, if it doesn't then you don't have a story. 


But back to the magic mirror thing, I think maybe you should just leave it.  In the original Snow White story, the same thing happens.  It's never explained why but when the Queen asks the mirror the question after Snow White is supposed to be killed, the mirror answered that the Queen is the fairest, even though we know that Snow White is alive.  This happens in all the Snow White retellings too, so I don't know, maybe the mirror is faulty.  Maybe it's not always 100% honest.  It doesn't make sense to me but it works.  So maybe it's okay to leave it.

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October 7, 2015 at 12:12 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

Thank you for your kind words! <3

Yeah, the magic mirror in Snow White keeps disappearing from the storyline in what I've seen, too... I'll leave it. I have a better idea on my mind. Haha, this "film" is going to be at least two hours long, so brace yourselves...

Just filmed the funeral thing... ahh I was almost crying. Poor King, to be fooled like that! Also I feel so bad for Jacob and Eugene, they were both thinking of Ariana at the grave... This is making me sad. My story. I sometimes get a bit over-emotional over my characters and stories. But, as my friend once said, a good character feels like they could be a real person. Sometimes even the character's creator themselves can feel their character breathing. I will miss William (Ariana's father). And I've waited for so long to get to make Ariana and Jacob a couple. Soon it will be "official"! ^-^

And, and, Jacob looks really nice in his civilian clothes! I even took some pictures of him for you to see, I will post them on my blog and give the link to it here. I'll actually do it now, heeeere you go:

> http://lilsparrowshut.blogspot.fi/2015/10/jacob.html

--

xxx Lil Sparrow

October 7, 2015 at 3:51 PM Flag Quote & Reply

sylentwhysper
Moderator
Posts: 1183

Wow Jacob looks great!!  Yeah, working with characters that you love can sometimes give you the feels.  But it's good to make that connection, makes the story that much more meaningful.  :D

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October 8, 2015 at 2:33 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

Doesn't he? I just adore him! Heh sorry, I just got a bit excited about him changing to a main character soon. I'm now looking for some epic music and sound effects for the funeral bit. And the next scene I'll film is the one where Eugene tells Ariana he's already engaged to someone else. Aw man, too much grief in one series!

Have you ever had a character who is supposed to die during the story, and then you'd do anything to not have to kill them? It's so sad...

--

xxx Lil Sparrow

October 8, 2015 at 5:44 AM Flag Quote & Reply

sylentwhysper
Moderator
Posts: 1183

Most of my stories have some kind of death of a character, sometimes even the main character.  And I'm never regretful of killing them off because it is always for the better of the story.  Yeah, I'm awful aren't I?  ;)

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October 8, 2015 at 12:46 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

I also think that sometimes killing a character benefits the story. That makes me awful, too! You're not awful anone, yay! :P

But still, poor William. I got it edited today. So sad!

--

xxx Lil Sparrow

October 8, 2015 at 1:41 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55
This story will be put on a pause for some time now. I've been feeling stressed out and concentrating only on this story. Filming and editing it is just no fun anymore. So I think maybe I will film the rest of the film in December.
--

xxx Lil Sparrow

October 12, 2015 at 1:26 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55
I've completely lost my inspiration for this story
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xxx Lil Sparrow

October 15, 2015 at 3:45 PM Flag Quote & Reply

sylentwhysper
Moderator
Posts: 1183

Really sorry to hear you've lost inspiration.  That happens to me too.  I have so many unfinished projects. 

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October 16, 2015 at 12:56 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

Me too. And stories that I wanted to finish. I already have a few ideas on my mind. I will buy Showtime soon, only for 10 euros! I guess that's around 13 in dollars? If I bought the expansion from Origin it'd cost almost $45. I need the expansion for filming Alice in Wonderland! Wooooooo TOMORROW. Tomorrow it is!

--

xxx Lil Sparrow

October 19, 2015 at 5:40 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

Hey, the first part of Ariana's story is finally here, just uploaded it on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn3OGOCo9Ik

Please tell me what you think!

--

xxx Lil Sparrow

October 29, 2015 at 5:07 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Lil Sparrow
Member
Posts: 55

Please check dis out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn3OGOCo9Ik

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xxx Lil Sparrow

December 2, 2015 at 5:44 AM Flag Quote & Reply

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